~* 慢慢的未知... *~

It's kinda hard 2find a job u like. 2 find a job in which i can b enclosed n immensed in my own world n space of creativity n tinkin..not dat i don like2socialize n interact..i do like interacting wif ppl..cos deres endless unpredictabilities n explorations arising from E interactional processes..gettin in contact wif ppl heightens my mood n spirit..mayb cos i fil engaged..mayb cos tru E interactions im sort of able 2 fil E 'crowd' ard me..i don fil detached..since im a self proclaimed n well known loner..Yet i like 2b alone 2..being alone is being close 2nature..my own definition..crappin again..

Went 4 1st round of Police Selection assessment yest..haha whole day of assessm of weight/height vision body coordinating abilities!gdness..dats not juz all loh..a total of 5rounds!stretch til mid sept..GOOD GOOD NESS..!!n u may face E possibility of droppin out @any of E rounds..haiz..Lays was sayin we gota hunt 4other jobs le..I ABSOLUTELY AGREE LOH..n yah E body/skin check..haha we act gota undress!n tis XinFu female officer would then C C check 4any skin diseases or wat lah..hoho da zuan dao men..n yah..sweaty palms is oso considered a physical illness..haiz..so paisehs now got ppl noe dat ive sweaty palms le.. (-.-)

i reali donno wat ive been up2..Guess its time 4me 2reali reflect..on myself..once stated in deleted blog entry dat "As long as i don stay committed 2any relationship (frenship sense) i would b happier.." i tink ive reali becum a 2independent 2detached loner til extent dat ive cum2realise dat ive focused 2much on E self..self n self..14th June..tis date has appeared in my mind b4 14th..i found it familiar..yet ive no idea why its familiar..i sms Her 2days later aft 14th then realise 14th was her birthday..cos she said ive 4gotten her bdae..i felt kinda guilty n remorseful..i can act 4get such dates..ur frens' bdae..sum1 whom uve known 4 so long 8yrs..i donno why..in past i would ve kept track of such special dates..yet..now..i din even bother 2pay attention 2such impt details..i donno why..is it cos my brain is 2fully occupied wif gettin settled dwn wif a job..speakin of june..tink Dad's bdae coming on 27th..

i start2ponder again again..im doubtin my suitability n capability of takin up E role of a FREN..of a DAUGHTER..Jie seems 2ve gone tru alot n yet im not aware of dat..i cant seem2do anytink 4her when she's dwn..

* Wat has happened 2me exactly..esp tis past few recent yrs..subconcious mind tells me ive changed..changed 2a person whom ppl cant seem2relate 2 n understand anym..cos im no longer E old usual me..i donno why..i kip wantin self attention..attention from others yet ve i eva paid any attention 2 tis others..m i 2self focused..*

Admired E sight of a mum holdin hands wif her daughter. Chanced upon 1 yest n then struck by a ponderance on dat..it'l b so gd if ive a child..it doesn't matter if ive a husband or not..A child can kip u company..a child can tk my loneliness away..a child can mk me fil attached again..

*No MedicinE can eva Save me now..im 2attached 2 MY WORLD..* Sum1 pls save me..