FaRm's WorLD oF NaTuRE

~* MY HoRoScoPe PreDicTionS *~

2006-01-06T14:57:00.000+08:00

Sagittarius, you are unstoppable! You are a very hard worker by nature, and with the current planetary alignment you will be able to accomplish even more than usual. You have an abundance of energy, more than enough to handle everything that comes your way. Just be sure to use your usual good judgment. Radical decisions, especially concerning your personal life, could lead to regret.

What's Your True Color?
FarmNaTurE, your true color is Brown!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

True or not?i donno leh..haha..wat u tink then huh..(-.-)

~* GooDBYe 2005. Hello 2006. New Yr's Eve. *~

2006-01-04T14:18:00.000+08:00

~*2 MeiNus.. Me and Ah Jie!!(GosH i realised im so so short loh!) *~

Nice Bkgrd men rite haha plus nice meinus in foregrd 2 keke bu yao lian! new yr's eve. met jie ova brief small lunch n dinner@wisma new foodcourt..whao whao lotsa food@wisma foodcourt leh hehe..nxt time go town wil eat there more often haha piggy oink oink..but i ate ban mian dat dat lah its not nice loh..ban mian shd b smellin nice n soup shd b sweet loh but mine has no ikan bilis smell @ all loh..i failed it on spot men haha..when it cums2food..i don reali ask4much..so long it mits acceptable standard its fine1 actuali haha stil say don ask4much haha..

whole day we rotted@kino..aim4E day:IN SEARCH FOR OUR NICE ORGANIZER HAHA. in end ok lah we both managed2buy our nicenice cutie organizers..n each bot a book as well..yeah..jie left shortly aft dinner..i continued2rot ard in town..in search 4my book@kino..bot a book which i fell in love wif immediately aft readin juz 1brief excerpt from it..its a book on "Love,freedom and aloneness"..sum kinda philosophical stuff..i love it men..i can relate 2it alot u noe..i love philosophical stuff..no wonder i enjoyed my philosophy classes so much in campus haha..anyw aft dat went PS starhub bot a new hp n new line..realised no contacts@all in my new hp haha..cos..cos..cos..i donno..sumhow wheneva ive new possessions..i wan them 2ve a new lease of life..i donwan past 2cut tru their paths again..

v sianz men..stil waitin impatiently 4 E 14th 2cum..last day of temp job..

*i cant sense any sincerity in ppl..sumtimes when ppl don reply i start put them back 2my black list again..is it cos of my weird n unpredictable personality dat act repels ppl from me..??i only noe dat time is E tool 2tell everytink..time wil show a person's true color n sincerity n how they treat u true dwn from their heart..if ppl wu sim their actions wil show1 if ppl half hearted bo sim actions show as well loh..juz like ppl i noe..wu sim vs bo sim i can sense 1..so no nid 2give me 2many excuses or sorries or stories..real vs fake my heart can tell 1 loh..so no nid giv me all E sorries and mushy tinks like miz u lots or wat..

i donno wat lies ahead of me..V BLEAK..ok im not referrin 2job..im referrin 2my social life..v blurred..v bleak..i cant seem 2c anytink..n cny comin..i only njoy tos pre-cny days..1 or 2wks b4 actual cny..wil follow mama papa aft diner go mkt go supermkt etc shop 4 lotsa cny stuff haha..n gan rang E nice qi fen..n oso njoy 2nd day onwards..hate eve n 1st day..!!whoeva's goin on getaway durin eve n cny 1st day ask me along hoh haha..haiz..

*Hope Friday cums soon..then can go home eat dinner wif mama...yest din njoy home stay..but fri shd b ok..*

~* Sianz ...*~

2005-12-22T08:32:00.000+08:00

Haiz...now@work..waitin 4calls..but no calls oso nvm..i only noe dat im v tired 2day..nid my ample rest n sleep..=( brain not functioning when im tired n shag..haiz..=(

Some Updates 1st.
2days ago superb late4work. As usual i like2xplore new buses. took 132 instead of usual 165. realised its goin in wrong direction. panicked n alighted1stop later. Then saw 153. tink E nos looks rather familiar. so w/o any hesitation took E bus. Darn it haha. haiz. it went all E way2Toa Payoh Bukit Merah area!!Chumz..in end took cab rushed dwn2wkplace. wasted $7 ova notink!!late 4 half an hr..haiz.short of $3.50 earning..total loss of $10.50 v v Sads..=( Yest late 15mins 4wk again..2day ok lah managed2reach on time..phew..not gona go4tuition 2day lah..v tired..v sianz..wan go hm pei mama eat diner yeah..miss her food haha..sound as if v long neva ve her cookin..haha..im juz s0o homely kind haha..

more updates..did sumtink v blur n foolish again..slotted $160 tuition fee in pages of lib book..returned E book w/o even knowin theres $$ inside haiz..only realised 20mins later when i was on way home..rushed back to lib..luckily in end managed2get back $$..lucky book not shelved yet phew else i can reali cry on spot loh..=( Anyways Big wife was sayin dat i shd b more careful nxt time..not juz nxt time but for many other times as well loh..saves all E resultant troubles loh..

Yest gatherin wif galfrens..diner..was tellin them abt tis..they were sayin luck seems2b wif me all E time..oways lose sumtink but in end stil get back E lost tinky..haha they said i seem 2ve a guardian angel guarding ova me..hmm..(",) yah..n i was so HAPPY u noe..they gave me tis reali big big present..ive told big wife b4 dat ive neva received a big big big parcel n ive oways admired tos wif such enormous parcels..i din expect 2get a nice nice parcel 4my 22nd birthday!!!*A WIDE BIG GRIN* 2day go home wil open my big gift slowly..kekeke..*GRIN*

HAIZ IDOITIC JOB. 2B CONTINUED..=(

hp terribly spoilt..sads men..=(

*struggling 2 c all my incoming sms now..saw tis missed call nos..realised its JS's..i called him..a gal picked up..

~* UPDaTeS ... *~

2005-12-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

2DaY woke up kinda late.. Donno why felt so sleepy n tired n shag tis few days..or rather everyday.. til extent dat im kinda used 2it oready..felt rather peaceful2day..no climax in mood..calm n peaceful which is rather gd then..had 2meals as usual brkfast n lunch no brunch in my dictionary..n though i woke up@lunch time haha who cares men..aft dat mopped floor..haha im like Cinderalla..or Yip's family's slave..mama went mahjong..wile i do hsehold chores..but hey ive oways liked doin hsehold chores..kippin my hse clean AND NEAT ESPECIALLY!!im a neat freak i gota admit..went in2my bro's room n i wan *Faints!* haha..

Starting 1month temp customer service@ Singtel customer contact/call center..juz pray i'l b ok..beta do sum research on their Hi!cards..not 2worried abt socialising wif ppl there though..anyw they all seem nice..oready could hit it off well wif 1 of E perm staff there liao..though i haven even started work haha..but haiz..2006 coming..n im stil holdin on 2a temp 1..but beta than notink ba..summore may ve chance converted 2perm..@least got sumtink2fall back on heeess..=P

Fren told me abt JS. ppl oways say Singaporean guys r a boring lot. i say singaporean guys r a scary lot. why?cos u neva noe wats behind their face masks..they can b Mr Nice Nice on surface but deep dwn..they r juz sum cheaters..Like him. acted like 1 innocent Mr Nice Nice low self esteem guy whos gd 2 ALL gals havin acceptable asserts. 2speak E truth hes juz another cheater who studies in Arts fac. guys in arts fac. lotsa galfrens. so disgusting. ok im biased. guys in other fac may not be gd as well. can b cheaters as well. but well. i tink hes v cheap. oh pardon me 4being so crude. my deep hatred 4 them is so deep til..i donno how 2continue. 3yrs Campus: Memories of fun, happiness, sadness, disappointment, FEAR etc. its Mr Lim TN who started everytink.

i tink my Big wife kinda noes me well inside n outside..she understands why i would rather b alone@most times..i get hurt v v easily ova slightest tink. since young i was bein teased n looked dwn upon by tos dad's idoitic relatives. pri sch i was a juz low profile quiet shy oways gana bullied by others n teachers gal. sec sch hurt by tis another guy oso called JS. JC being called a bitch by ppl whom ive offended. all tis accumulation n accumulation. Did i ultimately get stronger? i donno..mayb get weirder n hate spore even more. i get hurt easily thus i loathe rejection, dejection n disappointment. I cried on mrt dat day aft watchin mv alone. it was a brkthru in my life loneliness. i guess my loneliness has reached its limit til extent dat im so so lonely. mayb dats why i finally broke dwn in public. 2remain alone is my own choice. tis yrs ive only seen E -ve faces of human beings. i don regret my decision all tis wile 2 remain alone4most of time. no regrets. but i muz say watching mv alone is nice..=D

ve been Venturing alone sumtime oready..n i wil continue dat..plus claiming a new identity pass now..i tink im startin 2 c sum light in my life path..

*im gona continue holdin on 2my lone ranger pass. Wu Sim frens wil b welcomed in her path. ingenuine frens pls GET LOST n don eva step in2 her path. Arigato..*

~* iTs Kinda sweeT i Tink... *~

2005-12-05T00:13:00.000+08:00

Juz finished watching star awards 2005. Yeah i rememb when i was younger, i used 2 b so excited ova tis haha. Then will ve early dinner so could concentrate on juz watching it on tv haha. As if im in it like dat. mama would oso b excited. we would both b excited n glued 2Tv. hehe. funny. n i only lookout 4 my beloved Fann. Yeah ppl who noe me shd noe dat i love her. ofcourse im not like tos young childish fans. im a mature fan haha. E part which Chris gave fann a kiss on forehead b4 he went onstage 2get his prize...n fann went woo ahh..blushed..i tink its kinda sweet..its kinda sweet of him..=)

Finished watching TV..now back 2reality. Year's ending soon. 2006 coming. A brand new yr. i wonder wat lies ahead. i juz hope i wil juz stop my terrible procrastinating habit. Anyways.. oso glad dat me n Lays ve sorted out E personal stuff betw us both..its stil E best 2communicate when theres doubts betw u n fren..stil E best 2 b truthful 2each other..say out frankly ur opinions,tots, dislikes n likes abt each other. only when theres no secret wil a frenship/ relationship b truthful n deep.

Fann and Christopher..

~* 2nd ToTs Huh?? i Donno leh.. *~

2005-11-19T12:03:00.000+08:00

checking out rainbow center's web page. sumhow. i donno. sumhow i would prefer a MOE teaching post. arrghh. i donno. im tired. juz wan zzzzZz for 1whole week. perhaps juz let me zzZZ til 2006 CNY ova then i wil wkup. if dat can happen it would b so great men i guess. i hate CNY. i wan escape it nxt yr. i donno if i can. even if i wan. cos sum tinks r juz not under ya own control even if u wan 2 b in control. i wan live alone. my own space. dats juz for now. in future mama papa wil stay wif me in my big big hse. i wil ve my big big car ferry them both ard n 2where eva they wan go. in fact now im oways in my own world of imagination imaging me sending dad 2 work n bro 2 sch. imagine myself 2b cool cool 1 in my car. my car interior wil b juz like a warm fuzzly little hse. i wil drive my parents 2town. we wil shop 2gether. they r reali ancient nice good ppl. they ve neva been 2 orchard b4. i would b loaded. i would brin them ovaseas. i would let them ve chance 2b on a plane. they ve neva been on a plane b4. i realise day by day dat ive actuali got lotsa of such dreams n wishes. dat i cant accomplish if i don set a specific time frame4such tinks 2b achieved. dat i cant accomplish if i donve a big bucks job. wateva.

*Yawns*

~* No DaYs 2 Look 4ward 2.. *~

2005-11-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

Sumtimes E more u wan sumtink E more u cant get it..n i actuali fil scared abt tml's rainbow center interview. cos i cant afford lose it. cos its a rare chance. i don wan fall. i muz win. dats why E bit of pressure is there. but i belive in fate. everytink's so fated. if its meant 2b urs its urs. not meant 2b then 4get it. move on. juz b ur ownself tml gal. i pray hard i wun b late. oready decided tk cab there cos gona ve cdac tea session b4 dat n heard from jie 2day hers lasted 4 1.5hrs. n E candidates all kinda elite kind. so n so from mcys wk 4donno afew yrs liao blah blah. theres a QnA session. hate tis kind of tinky. waste time. lousy way 2assess candidate's suitability. so i don place high hopes on tis1. anyw they oso only nid 2. wif my experience?nay i doubt i can mk it.

tink all my footwear lousy. mk me fall omost everyday. fell on road @ shenton way n imagine all E countless pairs of eyes on u. laughing@ u. fell in a shop in front of 2salesgals summore. my fren saw as well. fell everywhere. leave my butt mark on ground everywhere i go.

Finally found companion watch HP wif me!!hooray!!=D but cum 2 tink of it ive neva watched a movie alone. mayb i shall try it 1day. shd b kinda nice.

*Yawns..* I miz u granddad.

~* A Weak HearT ... *~

2005-11-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

I'm having a weak heart i tink..ok put it tis way..ive a rather bad premonition..my heart's getting weaker as days pass..not my imagination..though im oways imaging..(dat im oways inviting my mediacorp frens like vincent ng 2my hse..n my bro's mouth wil drop opened wif awesome envy hehehe..wo feng le..=P) oways ve terrible headache n sharp pain @back of head wheneva i wkup in morning in past..now E prob persists..n i oways tell myself aiya its cos of ya stupid laoya pillow lah..or mayb cos ive been staying up late omost every nite eyes glued 2TV til wee hrs..=P but anyways..yah..then i fil v lethargic everyday..doze off on mrt n bus fast..wkup feeling totali exhausted as if my whole soul has actuali left my body n did lotsa intense stuff b4 coming back 2my body..cos my whole body wil ache terribly n my whole head terribly wobbly heavy pain giddy aft i wkup from juz a short doze..2day..as i stepped on2 E escalator..all of a sudden everytink turned black instantly..4a moment i couldn't reali stand straight n i felt giddy..as if im gona fall n faint any moment..yet..in an instant..v quickly shortly aft dat..i regained composure..n everytink back 2normal..but i felt v tired..no strength..v weird..@tis instant when im typing tis..i suddenly tink abt spirits..ive been possessed??

...more...i cant seem 2 jog v well recently..as compared2past..my heart seems 2b failing..i can actuali fil my heart's efficiency slowing dwn..not pumping as much blood as b4..ive a feeling i may juz collapse 1day..but mayb cos i haven't been joggin dat often n regularly ba..only do it when i fil like it..mayb dats why not able perform 2optimum as compared2past bah..anyways told mama juz nw..as usual as she said me low blood pressure donve enuff blood loh..xue bu gou..yah..few yrs back doctor said ive extreme low blood pressure..mayb its even lower now hahaha..1day shd go4 whole body checkup ah..

A pretty long entry on heart huh haha. back 2 interviews. pretty sianz2tok abt it. vague impression anyw. ok dat customer relation 1. interviewed by a male. spoke 2me in english. pretty gd tru out. He seems rather nice. confirmed me onspot. then he brot me 2c another female. cos nid converse in chinese wif her. Damn. shit. haha. i noe my chinese cant mk it 1. i oso donno why i actuali ve a phobia of conversing in chinese now. anyw i guess my chinese conversation wif dat WOMAN was in a mess. she asked me abt my principles in life. Yuan Ze. i was like shit. asked me tis kind of tinky. i donno how 2crap in chinese loh. i only noe how 2reply in english. idoit her. anyways she said they wil call me back. haha. i don giv a darn anyw.

Then. dat elite marketin job. wat a bullshit as well. its exactly a knock on ppl's door beg them buy ya product kind of stuff. don mit target no pay. crazy. n i dislike dat director or wateva he is who interviewed me. looks like pervert. sound like pervert as well. eeeks. n dat cust serv exec. all bullshit. its actuali a great eastern personnel. i hate insurance ppl. anyw i did sum personality test as well. result: im sociable. haha. erm well well. lets juz say ive split personality yah. anyways jobs suitable4me: Nursing, teaching, tour guide, sales. yahh. so the me. exactly wat i like loh. Next: managerial posts. hmm..ok lah..ive tis bit of ambitious trait in me. wanting2mk it big. reputation. Followed by: artistic jobs. haha true true. i like arts. if its not becos my design skills lousy..i may ve gone on 2 Lasalle or NAFA..hmm..my path would b diff now if dats E case..(",)

He is utterly totali IRRITATING. i donwan my path 2b crossed wif his anymore again. i tot it shd b rather obvious dat i din reply. yet same msg oways cums. irritating. irritating. eeeeeekkkssss.

Got letter of confirmation for MOE interv yest. interv date SO THE LATE. but act cum2 tink of it. i actuali ve shudders when i tink abt teaching. i juz donve confidence in my own level of academic knowledge. other than dat..my ok level stil there..n chinese..oh men..i can juz die. but anyways..its not a must dat i muz die die get MOE employment.. but anyw they may not wan me as well loh..but then again..i simply cant tink of anytink else im interested in..yahh..

on way home 2day..image of "Zai Zai look alike" appears in my mind..actuali not juz 2day lah..its actuali everyday hehe..haha..keke..siao. no lah. juz dat once awile. E face wil juz seep in my mind suddenly. yah.. i was hoping 2bump in2 him again. well. if fate permits. if fate permits, then its reali fate. reali fate. n nxt time round if E fate is reali here, i do do do do hope u wil juz open ur mouth Miss Huiyi n say "Hi u from NUS rite?"hahahaha..jian. but then again. i donwan noe wat i donwan 2noe. else i would b superb disappointed. well...fate might not cum ultimately anyways. so why m i tinkin so much.

i love my yoga class. as usual dat skinny woman cant stretch hahaha..i tink im pickin on her. yah i am pickin on her. so wat.

kinda interested in tis volunteer tinky i chanced upon in media recently. shall tk action regarding it soon. *Yawns..* a long post again.

~* 5 and Goin... I Do Hope So!! *~

2005-11-14T12:59:00.000+08:00

Yeps.. it's 5 and Goin haha.. got 5calls 2day 4interviews..!!juz Mon n ive had 5interviews scheduled 4tis wk liao..4more wkdays 2go..i do hope there's more calls coming 4more interviews scheduled..hehe..=P
ive had a feelin dat im kind of addicted to tis "attending interviews" process liao..it's reali considered a so called eye opener in interviews..u got 2 c learn n experience even when u go 4interviews..
ok let me c..1st 5 interviews lined up: (1) Tml=customer relations officer 4 donno wat company haha
(2) Wed=customer serv executive 4donno wat company
(3) Friday=ermm..dat person told me ive applied 4tis post in sept..nw then call me..i donno wat post..i tink its..biz developm exec..or marketing exec?
(4) Sat=i kinda like tis 2posts ive applied4.. CDAC volunteer serv exec..then teacher 4special nids children 4 Rainbow Center..finally shortlisted aft so long..CDAC's is a tea session..kinda interesting..c..not all interviews r tos 4mal kind..
hmm..realise there's many donno above haha..no worries..i wil do sum research 1 no matter why..n crap accordingly..according 2situation n circumstance hehe..i sound abit haolian..let me continue haolian abit..most of time i go 4interviews wif confidence..if interview atmosphere kinda nice n interviewer nice nice my confidence level soars even higher n i crap n crap eve more..hehe..=P

yah Eric..i noe teaching's not easy..its tough..in fact i went 4 a tutorial center casual interview n haha i ended up chatting wif E interviewer..abt life..n kids..i poured my sorrows 2her haha dat im in dilemma abt wat i reali wan..haha funny..she has asked me lotsa questn which ive neva pondered b4..abt teaching n kids..mk me reali reflect abt my initial assumed "passion" 4teaching..she said im a bubbly n cheerful gal..i look like haha..every1 has said dat 2me..but she oso said im soft..soft spoken..so i would nid do more if i wana control a class of rowdy pupils..wateva it is ive oready applied 4MOE but meantime i wil b opened 2other job options as well..=D Liking kids is 1tink..but liking kids n teaching is diff..well dats wat she said..n i kinda agree act..i love kids..but whether i can teach..i actuali doubt my ability2teach..aft tutoring 4so long..i noe myself n capability..im confident by end year i would b able 2land a job..im confident..but whether its a job of my interest not..i cant b sure..

went swimming wif jie on sat..or rather she swam..i soak in water..since i don reali noe how 2swim loh..then there were so many ppl in pool..i felt paisehs..anyw then there's tis kids class goin on..oh men b4 they even started their swim class we mingled ard wif sum of the cute CUTE CUTE kids in e pool..their coach was late loh..mk them wait 4him 4 omost half an hr!!anyw..got 2 noe tis 3kids..timothy..jeremy n donno who haha..yah i reali like cute boys lots!!haha anyw aft we ve bathed gona leave we met timothy n his mum? in E shower rm..haha then me n jie animously said "BYE TIMOTHY" 2dat boy..haha he gana shocked..then i ovaheard him askin his mum "How did they noe my name?" haha well well timothy cos Miss Huiyi is ard leh..got Huiyi hoh..no cute boys can get out of her hands hahaha..si bian tai..i refer 2 tos kindergarten lower pri cute boys hoh..i only like kids im not dat hua chi..haha beta not yue miao yue hei..=P

tml yoga class again..=D gona end soon..december approaching..speaking of yoga there's tis skinny woman in my class..cant even stretch..ok i cant stand it when ppl cant stretch their body..okok i cant say im totali flexible lah..though i m..ermm oh no! i realise my blog's so haolian sounding loh haha..okok wat im tryin say is dat i cant stand it when tos skinny women oready so skinny yet stil wan diet diet n diet!i cant stand it when relatives n ppl said im thin then they wil ask if i diet..NONONONONO!!don eva ask me dat or i wil juz slap u. i eat normal meals ok. oh but jie im not referrin 2u haha cos juz rememb u oso asked me on sat wat i eat n why im slim. actuali i juz noe how 2conceal my flaws i tink. i don tink im slim. but im ok wif wat i m. i cant stand it when ppl don eat!!when ppl diet!!!i cant stand it!!!
okok back 2yoga. i love yoga. i love 2stretch. i wan stretch even further. i wil definitely go on 2 intermediate stage..fil like takin up pilates as well. well other than crappin i guess tis is my only talent bah haha..hmm..hummphh..oh yah then hoh got tis uncle in my class who gives me E feelin dat he wana show off his ability 2 stretch loh..yalah i oso kind of show off in class as well lah but hoh..aiya..i don fil gd when ppl r able 2 surpass me..in areas im gd @..i don fil gd n i wil wan surpass them even more..

mama's bdae 2day. wil get her a hp once ive found a job. my papa mama ancient ppl. no hp. they r v thrifty. sumtink which i shd learn more from them.

gona watch tv again..tv addict...i tink he's kinda irritating. sum tinks ova means ova. why cant he get it. n who hurt me in E 1st place. n there's oready so many gals ard u rite.there's no turning back. once im hurt im hurt. no turning back of clock. n i dislike guys who ve lotsa female frens.

there's tis famous director who said dat my husband Jin Cheng Wu aka takeshi kaneshiro is reali a mysterious guy who hates coming out 2 E public n show his face..he spends omost all of his time hiding @ home doing his own stuff other than shooting..he said hes not suitable 4tis entertainment scene..bish..speaking of takeshi..i tot i saw takeshi dat day loh..my heart skipped a beat when i saw him..haha a close resemblance loh.

i kinda like our conversation on sat. wif jie. regarding individual n society. how individ influenced by society. E mass in soc vs. minority. E power of E mass. power of E minority as well. rules n regulations in soc. w/o which there would b chaos... nice conversation. i like tis kind of in-depth conversations. IM not juz a crappy shallow no substance 1 ok.

~* Im LearninG 2 STeP ouT!! LearninG 2mk 1st steP ouT!! *~

2005-11-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

*Yeahh..im back again..ive mk my 1st move. 1st step. 1st decision. aft long long procrastination. yeah procrastination is kinda bad u noe. it delays everytink.*

juz did tis personality test in my cleo mag. haha. donno accurate not loh. 1moment say im introvert. 1moment say im extrovert. haha. ive split personality. which ive realised long time ago myself n tru frens' mouths. woo hoo so its confirmed now.

ok. 2 Lays. *winks winks* why i ran away halfway 4dat therapist orientation..hmm i guess i cant reali tell u why..E exact reason..i guess its cos of environmental influence plus my emotional impulse..i wasn't comfortable wif E way they put us candidates 2 test..Each of us gota tk turns 2 mk use of E toys there 2interact wif E kid..in front of E ang moh boss n other candidates..u gota b u noe dat kind of loud..loud expression n reaction..u gota b a fun 1..im 2 soft spoken i guess i couldn't mit up 2dat..anyways i oso din noe how 2describe..its like u noe..if u don like it in 1st place be it environment or wat u wun fil comfortable n u wun fil fitted in..u wil juz noe it rite if u don like it..i left halfway. i noe i would only b forcing myself 2stay if i ve stayed n i wun perform well anyways under dat circumstance. so yah haha.

Anyways heard from Fren dat a fren fils like quitting her current therapist job cos from start of work til now..i guess few mths le ba..she has been doin juz admin work..mostly admin stuff if i din rememb wrongly..anyways cos hers is a newly established company..clients not in yet..hmm..thus cant reali do much of therapeutic stuff bah..hmm..

I agreed wif Jie. Lotsa jobs out there 4us. it ain't tough 2 land urself in a job i guess. it all lies wif whether u wan it or not. ur interest level. dats reali reali impt.

anyways. yah. ive sent application 4 MOE teaching. finali. ive finali mk my 1st step out in getting sumtink done!!haha. n yah. ive decided 2reject (yet again!!)another job offer. as sales exec @parkmall 4tis established high end furniture design company. which i tink commission gona b real high since their sofa alone costs $8000+!!haha. anyways. im juz a simple gal. not highly ambitious. juz wan ve a simple job i like wif reasonable pay. cant b 2 extrovert a job since im oso introvert @heart as well haha. complicated huh. of course i tend 2compare myself most of times wif others n ppl ard me. like my big wife who wans 2 n am eager 2earn big bucks n money. i may tend 2 compare my future fixed pay wif her flexible big bucks pay. but hey i guess. being comfortable wif wateva ya doin stil accounts 4major share bah. m i makin any sense?i guess so bah haha. tired liao anyways.

okies..i hope everytink wil b settled by december..*Good LucksS* 2me. 2my loved frens. haha went bk nus n vernice said i look like sec sch kid. hmm. yah im stil young. i can afford 2 mk choices n mistakes. accumulate experience n learn from mistakes. i like wat RX said. *U gota mk E 1st step. Else u neva noe wat u wan n m gd in.* 1st step. 1st step lingers in my mind. it kinds of enlighten me. it kinds of put a slap in my face. Hey wake up GaL!!haha. yah.

Wateva it is. its oways a pity n pain n waste 2reject sumtink good dat cumz 2ya doorstep. but well alas. dats life. full of choices. full of opportunity costs blah blah. LifE.

*realised its my mistake. shdn't ve picked fault @ bro. Sori. Din mean it.*
Nites. Hope my life gets organised soon soon soon. b4 coming of 2006..!!

~* Stupid Dumb *~

2005-11-03T12:35:00.000+08:00

Picture1

Picture 2

Picture 3

i tink i would fil so agitated cos ive regretted my actions. i shdn't ve msged so fast. im oways like dat. so impulsive. din tink of beta alternatives. din consider other circumstances dat ve act. led 2 sum tinks dat ve happened. arrghh. wateva. wats done been done. im nuts. im nuts. mentally unstable. emotionally unstable. wateva. i wan zzz 4eva n eva n eva evaaaaa.

arrghh let me divert now. tok abt happier stuff.
1 more new wife. 1more new husband. who manage 2 catch my eye. hehe. Check out E pics ive included here men!!=P

1st pic: Cutey Cutey 鄭元暢!!
2nd pic: i tink ive tis tink 4 comic-like guys. 鄭元暢sumtink abt him. filled wif meng huan kind of feeling. meng huan. i like meng huan. imaginative. stil not E word.nvm. Meng Huan. MenG HuaN gui MenG Huan loh. Da Shi 理想情人 ma?
3rd pic: She's E 1. 杨丞琳.Cute sweety pretty lass. Smart. Mature though young. v frank n straight4ward. real.

*Yawnss* not enuff zzz. Throbbing sharp pain in head every day. now pain throbbing pain as well. yet i stil wana stay up watch tv til wee hrs. who cares. esp sat. tv marathon all E way til 3am. hooked on tis taiwan drama on ballet n dreams n romance of course haha. E brother has oways liked E sis. of course they r not biological related. i esp adore E way E bro likes E sis. E feeling as exuded in E show. cannot b described. only i myself noe. as usual. tok 2myself. no1 noes anyw wat im tokin abt. who i reali m.

idoit me idoit me. shdn't ve msg. purposely pick fight. now replied crap. A COLD FIGHT HAS BEGUN AGAIN. or rather a cold war. or rather. E coldness has oways been there. its oready cold enuff 2 dissolve E start of a warm war. cos it wil oways b cold. there wil oways b no warmth here in tis family. i mean warmth of unity of 4. 4. i wan 4. not juz 3. not juz 2. tears finali ve dropped. or is it cos im 2 sleepy. eyes 2tired. goin blind soon. not gd.

ALL tos who ve hurt me. u may not ve known it. i noe it. even in small ways. i remember. Scary?nay. im not a psycho. i wil juz delete u from my memory. but well i stil prefer 2b alone. im stil a self claimed loner. so i wun hurt u. Back.

NitesS.

~* Suppress n Repress. suppress n repress.*~

2005-11-02T23:16:00.000+08:00

~* Supress n repress. Then supress n repress again. I would turn nuts soon. When can i eva release everytink. I can't seem 2 control my emotions recently. It seems 2 b back again. Who m i. A simple gal who juz nids real n sincere care n concern? A simple gal who yearns 4 simple happiness? One who yearns 4 a mixture of simplicity n (yet) a certain level of fame n glory? *~

Shucks. Irritating me. Donno wat E hell im typing 2nite. Suddenly fil so so frustrated cos juz msg him not 2 mess up my com. It's actuali juz a small matter. Juz cos of a moment's inability2 solve sum minor prob i got irritated n msg him not 2 eva mess up my com. but i juz wan everytink2b in place u noe. i simply ve difficulty remembering any password n stuff n if u juz change tis dat i would go nuts u noe. summore im an emotional n mentally unstable person. arrghh. i noe i seldom go frenster. or rather v v seldom. or neva? wateva. if i do visit i don wan c other profile in my com. Tis is my com ok ok ok ok ok ok. i noe im goin nuts. im a mad 1. im oready nuts. don say im selfish. let me repress once awile. i cant juz supress all E time. i fil like cryin now. yet no tears. no tears. u take 4granted i would giv u a bdae gift iszit. iszit. iszit. iszit. R u dumb. cant even say a thank you. or im E dumb 1. bot it happily 4u. tot would ve a happy ending. wat did u get in E end. wat wat wat. Disappointment. Again again again. don u tink u r v stupid Huiyi. u did so much. or rather u presume u ve done so much. 4them?4him. worth it?did he even appreciate ur efforts?neva. neva neva. yah yah shd't b calculative. wat E hell. when im nuts i dig out wateva suppressed grudges ive had against u n all others.

idoitic 1s. all of u. raise my hopes. throw them down. mk me fil im loved. yet mk me fil like im a dumb fool.

i hate 2 b neglected. im stil eva so possessive. ive learnt 2 let go. yet when i turn nuts again it simply hits me again2ve a strong want2 hold on 2 everytink w/o letting go. stubborn u Huiyi. WOuld u eva b happy like dat if u kip behavin like dat. insincerity. don care abt me lah. go care 4ya frens lah. since they r so much beta rite. go lah.

Pigs. All pigs. Idoit.

~* CLiMaX oF GooD MooD ReacHeD YeT?? *~

2005-10-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

Picture1: China has lotsa gardens leh..n coincidentali ive oways loved gardens so kinda Happy happy haha n their gardens all nicenice bigbig 1..but funny tink is u don c Ang Mohs tourists in tis gardens..cos they oready sick of their own hse gardens haha..they more attracted 2 tos china historical touristic places bah..n hoh..E Ah Gongs Ah Mas in china v healthy leh!!early in mornin Taichi..dancing..singing..in garden..n their united spirit reali power power leh if they reali gather 2gether n sing their china folk national songs men..
Picture2: hehees..@ Tian An Men..pic kinda blur hoh..Cousin's face looks abit distorted haha..
Picture3: Say Cheeze!! China's nite food market..hmm..basicali all E stalls sell more or less E same assortment of food leh..wonder how they survive..haha they do nid marketing of products..
ReaLised all my 3meals kinda heavy past days..or rather wks..or rather..mths??!!haha wateva..anyws my appetite has oways been gd n recently it has bcum terribly gd...donno if its a gd or bad tink bah..

Friday finally came..Finally met my Jie yest..actuali though she kept sayin nvm nvm i do fil bad abt it, up til now actuali. Cos we were supposed 2 mit outside cine@1.40pm..then i tink i was late. Yah i was late. I was stil havin lunch wif BiG Wife. n when i reached realised as well Jie havin lunch alone @KFC..i felt even more bad..then previously on dat day she asked if i would prefer Toa Payoh or cine kBox cos Toa Payoh's allows us 2 sing til we drop, 4 as long as we wan..w/o any1 chasing us out..in end we changed 2 Toa Payoh..though in 1st place i said i would prefer cine..so i mk Jie cum all E way dwn town then go back again 2 TP..n on mrt i then realised Hey her wkplace Novena is juz so so near TP..ahhH..

Anyways..we reali stayed @ kBox all E way from 2.15pm til 9.30pm leh..power rite haha..hmm i stil njoy ktv though yest has once again confirmed dat my voice n singing sux big time haha..my voice's kinda low leh..n i cant pull off tos high pitch n tunes..n when i attempted afew times i could act hear my voice..zhou yin..out of tune leh..hmmM..wonder if Jie has heard it hehe but even so i stil tink its pretty alrite..cos its reali notink 2b embarrassed abt..its KTv mah..n wats more we r husband n wife haha..i don mind havin any embarrassing n bad moments in front of my frens..haha..Juz b urself n b real..hoho..chimz..yah..when i reached home..i had kinda heavy supper..then read a few pages of my romance novel yah..ve finali touched my book..then i went zzzZ..dreamLand..N dreamt of my cousin..not cousin Jeff..wif Big Wife inside as well..i wonder why haha..

HaHA ive juz received SDU brochure men...Haiz...Haha...

*I Love Rainie YanG hehe..*
So sleepy now again..gona go search 4 Rainie Yang's wallpapers then close eyes rest abit then go jog liao..yeah..Gona jog a diff route 2day..haahaa seize E mood 2 Jog wile i stil fil like joggin..if not once i slack i wil juz stop joggin 4 a long long time..hehe..

*Tell urself every mornin U'll b Happy n You'll b Happy yah..*

~* Xin Qin HaO LeH kekeke... *~

2005-10-13T12:12:00.000+08:00

Pic 1: HeY HeY..Me stil in nice nice shape aft conquering Great Wall!!
Pic 2: A superb BiG Nice Garden in china haha

*YawnSs..*
Gdness guess i nid turn in real soon..cant mk it..
Anyways as appeared in tis blog's headin *Xin Qin Hao* Don ask me why haha cos i oso donno why leh..i guess its cos i donve 2 work..no stress..free 2roam abt n go whereeva i like..no time restraint..hmm..yah but of course tis kind of slack life cant go on 4eva..oh yah light mood oso mayb cos i sort of start 2find back my frens 1 by 1 again hehe..guess a loner nids frens 2 hohoho..=P but i do do agree so much dat having the company of frens is reali so utterly important..=D

Tis few days ve been hoppin dwn 2town 2 pei my Dear 4her office lunch break time..haha okok mk a small clarification here ah.. My Dear here refers 2..none other than my BiG Wife!! kekeke.. spendin all tis time wif her is pretty worthwile..cos im oways a clown haha oways crackin silly nonsensical jokes n mkin her laugh ova them..hmm..seeing her laugh i fiL gd. Mkin my frens laugh i fiL Gd..=D

Speakin of last interview selection round 2day..a written test..oh men..donno if its cos i was 2ganjiong or wat..haiz..i crapped superb badly 4 E test ah..i told Jie it would b Dui if i din get selected 4 E job..cos there's only 3 last candidates left aft they ve interviewed so many..Big wife said nvm cos since im able 2get on2 final selection round, dats oready considered as v gd..hmm..anyways..cut out lotsa newsp job ads..phew..guess im gona start resending my resume again haha..saw 1 which i kinda like..or rather 2say..1 whose job title attracts me..advertising specialist..sounds woo hoo rite haha..gona apply men..=)

Tml's thurs..woo hoo..no tuition..no anytink..i can go out w/o any worries...yah 'w/o any worries'..haha anyways went 4tuition 2nite n men..was teaching my kid the word 'suggestion'...gave an eg as usual.."Give me 1 suggestion on wat i shd do 2my hair?" sentence construction..i posed the sentence/ questn 2 kid..she replied," Comb ya hair." "Why?" i asked. "Cos ya hair's messy." "Any other suggestions?" i asked again. "Tie ya hair. Pin ya Hair.." haha tis kid..gu lin jin guan..yet her words r all so reAL dat actuali reali cum from bottom of her heart..haha yah i agree i was indeed superb lok kok 2nite..haha..=P

Anyways..gota go snooze le..yeah yeah lookin 4ward 2 brkfast as usual..haha been hooked badly on qUakers cereals recently..cant live w/o it men..my brkfast's bcum more exciting now haha wif more quantities n varieties keke..PIG..yeah..
*Countdwn 1more day 2 KTV..been a long time since ive stepped inside a KTV..Lookin 4ward again..hehe..plus diner wif Jie..=D*
Okies shall upload sum china pics 2nite hehe..wait til Big Wife sends me our pics..i wil upload..MY BIG WIFE..=D

~* DreAmzZ *~

2005-10-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

Had a kinda diff day..went museum..yeps..our very own spore museum leh keke..hmmM..but we din go SPORE museum..we went ACM..Asian Civilisation Museum..chimz wor..haha..cultured wor haha..anyways had taken afew nice nice pics wif nice nice spore sceneries.. =D Hope my Dear wil email me sum of E pics hehe..*GrinZ*

Then we saw a couple havin their wedding shoot..@Boat Quay..or is dat Clarke Quay huh which eva haha..then their frens n family members tagged along as well..hmm..i love 2 check out such tinks hehe..me stil said Dear Kapoh when she said she could help them tk pics since she has E digicam then haha..act im E 1 who's real san ba men haha..Speakin of weddinG..hehe dat day me n Dear were tokin abt getting each other our engagement gift!!hoho..then we were sayin dat we could hold our engagement ceremony in Fort Canning haha..we could go Fort Canning 2hike..hmm..supposed2hike 2day but we changed our plans in E end haha..its okies nvm..=D

Had ban Mian @ Marina Square Foodcourt 4diner..yummy..hmm cant say dat its nice but well @least its stil ok lah haha..E ikan Bilis kinda salty dats why i like haha since im fascinated wif salty food haha..then there's lotsa green vege yummy yummy !! =D But Dear's Yong Tao Foo hoh..looks so sickly plain..haha..E vermicelli looks so hard n non-appetising leh..hmmm..
We discussed abt *Dreams*..not aspirations..but sleep dreams haha..censored dreams..non censored dreams..*Dreams do depict a person's tinkin..Dreamz depict a real person's true self..* was tellin Dear if any1 wans noe E true me, well juz cum in2 my dreams kekeke..its stil amazing how our human brains can act ve such dreams..dreams wif story plots sumtimes..amazing..juz as i was tellin Lays dat day..its pretty amazing as well when it cums 2 human life process..a fast process indeed...juz imagine we r only 21/22yrs old now..once we ve landed ourselves in perm job..wk 4 afew yrs then we would b 24/25 etc..then time 2get married..haha provided there's a willin tree out there 4ya 2get married 2..then aft dat b4 u even noe it..da da..30yrs liao..haha..Everytink abt tis societal humans is juz so utterly amazinG..

2 Lays: U asked me dat day if i quarelled wif Him since i said Don mention abt him anymore..we din quarell..juz dat he has been blowin Hot n Cold all tis wile..i donno wat he wans exactly..i donno his intentions..i realise i don seem 2 noe him@all actuali..he seems 2b v distanced..i tink he has 2many female frens..i tink he juz kips on wanting 2noe more n more females..i cant stand such guys..anyways..his attitude 2wards me now is juz so so cold well i shan't b bothered abt him anymore..i shan't do much anyw..i wil juz move on happily now..life's short life's full of exciting unpredictabilities yet 2b explored loh..why b unhappy ova a blow hot blow cold person..n b bothered by his intentions..actuali u may ve tot ayeaye u tink 2much lah juz treat him as a fren lah then no worries liao mah but hey..cos if his earlier warm attitude rite i'l thus tend 2 compare 2current's cold attitude loh..n no doubt wil tend 2 ponder ova his intentions..but anyways im moving on n i wan b happy so tis kind of "wun mk me happy kind of tinky" i rather not tok abt it anymore loh haha..anyways..Lays..Let's Jia you bah..we can mk it..we wil b real real Happy1..Smiles..=D

*James Blunt. You are so beautiful.*
*Lookin 4ward 2 Fri mit Jie 4KTV..hehe..gona pei pei Dear 4 lunch tml..=D*
Goodie Luck 2 myself 4 job search..oh nooS..v late liao gona go snoooze!!!

~* FATE FATE FATE !! *~

2005-10-09T12:45:00.000+08:00

Hey Lays! hehe. im Gona write abt ZaiZai now. hehe. yeah. i simply cant belive it actuali. spore may b small small but 2 actuali b able 2bump in2 sum1 whom u totali donno @all on quite afew occasions...i mean...is dat wat u call FATE?oh men..yr 2 same Tutorial class. Yr 3 same lecture grp. shoppin town bump in2 him. MRT he was juz sitting opp me. Kinokuniya he was juz standing opp me wif his fren (hehe n we looked@each other..keke). 2day attended a "Early Intervention Teaching" tok he was there as well!!! hMmm..i belive dat a guy who actuali even bother2attend such toks shd b a rather good soul hehe..anyways ive mentioned abt him b4 in previous blogs.. HE may not b E shuai kind..but there's juz sumtink abt him dat reali appeals 2me..E aura?juz like wat Lays has said?His pattern...his wei dao...his weidao...kind of resembles ZaiZai..okok...i shant drool ova him liao..i belive if its reali FATE again...who noes...mayb we 2 would mit again...... =D
but then again...sumhow my heart don jump when i c him haha..no butterflies churning in stomach...

Well well anyways Jie n me fixed our date juz now!! yeah yeah..we gona ktv on Fri!! v long din c Jie le...gona date again aft so long liao.. yeah yeah..!!=D

TOP. T=TaLent. O=OrGaNisation. P=Passion. wats my real passion?? Shd i juz pursue it? if teaching's my real passion why then m i putting E pursue on hold...

*Open heart.*

~* EverYTink's GoNa B OkiE..I M FinE nOw..kakaka.. *~

2005-10-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

Have yet 2upload pics taken in Beijing..Hope i would b able2get cable from auntie on wed 2upload!hees then i can seize chance tk more pics wif frens hoho..pic takin freak..

lotsa tinks 2b updated in blog..but 2lazy again hehe..wana describe my whole Beijing trip n experience..hehe im juz biased against spore..oops..traitor..haha heart oways 2wards abroad..keke..=P

My mood kinda ok recently liao..no depression haha..feeling peaceful..Guess im startin 2open up my heart..startin 2 tk tinks easily.. startin n learnin 2let go.. Guess it helps in a way..

Im gona get back all my frens.. =D

*ReLax my expectations of them cos every1's different.. So Long as Im happy wif them dats fine..Don ask 4 2much..*

*Yawns..so tired ah..Let me ve a MORNING NAP 1st hehe b4 i wkup again 4 2nd meal of day my lunch!! then go 4 nxt interview..hmM..cum2tink of it hoh..M I 2choosy wif jobs??!! HEY HEY but then again..NAY..juz tk tinks in my own stride bah..nvm if im stil jobless now..cos i belive E rite job's stil waitin 4me..juz dat E whole process of securing it tks time..hoho..yah..B Happy..Everytink's gona B A OKIES..MUACKS!!*

~* SimPLicitY. PuritY. *~

2005-09-18T15:58:00.000+08:00

*Walked past Raffles City yest wif fren. Chanced upon a glass display of bed of roses n erm..flowers haha..Stoned there n admired..told fren,"If only ive such a garden of roses dat'll b so nice.." "Stop dreaming." Fren replied. haha. Well of course tis bed of flowers here R not E 1s dat mk me stop n dream..Anyways..All i eva wan is a nice garden of flowers..Simplicity n Purity where there's no complicatedness.. I feel happier..cos humans R scary..2complicated..i can't comprehend @all..i donwan get hurt yet again..brave front : fragile character. fragile front : strong character. Do i belong 2 former or latter? I donno. But i noe she belongs 2 E latter.Bravo!*

~* BluresT Me !! ComPLiCateD me !! ConTraDictorY mE !!*~

2005-09-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

Guess when it cums 2 "Who's E blurest of them all?" , I'm E blurest of them all.
I threw away a cheque. Put it in a plastic bag. Threw away E plastic bag forgetting all abt E cheque. Only realised when i was in town wantin 2 deposit. Luckily Fren helped me. Thanks.

Nxt tink. Ive got flight timings mixed up. tot its 11am. woke up extremely early pack bag. in E end..mama said 11pm. *FainTs* so went market wif her. but felt so uncomfortable. cos stomach not feelin good. menses. plus diarrhoea. Idoit. Idoit. Idoit. Idoit. Idoit.

My mood extremely Idoitic now.
Cos i wan cry. I oready wan cry long time ago. oso donno why.
On bus yest. Frens sitting juz behind me. sumhow mid of bus journey when i wasn't tokin 2them, i suddenly felt.. Lonely. Lonely. Tired.
Realised ive been like a clown. Been acting like a clown. Entertaining ppl ard me. Ive not been my real true self all along. I'm juz putting on a brave false front infront of others. Suddenly i donno who's Huiyi. i reali donno. I wan cry now. I said tinks which act don represent my true emotions n intentions @ all. I wan cry. I'm reali v lonely. uve your own grp of frens. u donve time 4me. u n him n her n them n me.

i juz called her. She agreed wif me. dat i donno wat im doin. i mk ppl v confused. I tink so 2.

*I'm tired of all again. My hopes in life R oways like a roller coaster. Ups n downs. Ups ups downs downs*

Stay in China 4good lah. Don eva wana cumbk anymore.

~* MainTenaNcE oF StatuS QuO ?? *~

2005-09-16T12:18:00.000+08:00

ReaLised lately i love 2 zzZZZZzz... zzzzzz on bus..zzzz on train...zzzz where eva i go n stop..keke sounds like a pig..wake up late..notink unusual 1 mite say..cos i used 2 wkup superb early nxt mornin no matter how late i zzzzz E nite b4..i juz din dat much of importance on zzZZzz...now..i juz wan zzZZZ..wheneva i can..24hrs..1whole week..1whole month..4eva.. (-.-)

Guess my fren was rite..abt my heavy heart n E msn nick tinky..she said i felt dat way cos i realised ive actuali lost a support..emotional support i guess?i donno..i guess it's juz like..losing an invisible indirect support..u don ve 2 like or love him..there's no nid 4me 2develop any feelings 4him..he doesn't ve 2 tell me or make it clear verbally dat he likes me..i donve2noe his intentions..i donve 2noe if he likes me not..as long as his actions show some of his care n concern..my heart wil b warmed..well..@least..i don deny i m actuali a rather lonely soul..so lonely dat i juz fil like cryin 4myself @times..but amidst such feelings of loneliness..when u noe dat @least there's stil E presence of sum care n concern by E opp party..it does help 2warm up E soul n heart abit..it does..well..under ambiguous intentions of E other party..when such initial ambiguous intentions R made known..E support wil inevitably lose its effect on E lonely soul..n E lonely soul, once clear of situation, wil tend 2b influenced as well..haizz..tis soul juz nids time 4adjustment..she wil b fine..she's juz more easily emotionally upset esp during tis recent phase..when everytink ard her is juz so so unsettled..n she's stil in a loss pertaining 2her life..

E mention of her life..everyday she's juz not happy wif her own life..she wans sumtink diff..sumtink fresh..she juz can't wait 2ve a brand new lease of life..yet..she juz cant seem 2get started on workin 2wards such new lease of life..well..oh well..she's juz procrastinating..wif regard2everytink..practicali everytink..

She likes 2touch people..she used 2like2do dat..2frens..she has toned dwn lately haha..cos sum of her frens told her they don like it n its kind of gross..well well..anyw she only likes 2touch a particular sum1 now..sumhow when they hold hands..she juz feels..E warmth..she doesn't care abt E looks from others when they hold hands..she admired a gal from NUS..tis gal is juz so cool..E way she looks @others..woooO..ive fantasized abt kissing her..i like her..i told my wife abt tis n she said actuali she has such tots @times as well..kiss a gal..but cum2tink of it..yesh..i get a diff kind of feeling when i touch her..as compared 2E other gal frens..yet..i don tink i would eva kiss her...cos she's juz not E 1..well well well..up til now im not attracted 2any guy@all...i mean instead of being attracted 2them, i actuali detest them more n more..i find them juz a sore in E eyes..haha.."TIAN AH..WO SHI ZHEN CHANG DE MAH..??!!!"

wateva it is..juz hope tml Friday ends soon..cos havin 2tuition tml!!hate havin tuition@nite cos dat would simply mean i cant njoy my 1hr dinner haha..after friday..Sat: here i cum my NUS beloved grilled fish haha..then Sun: Here i cum! E small escape from sianzzzZ spore!!sumtimes wonder if i would miss spore if i reali get 2migrate 1day..cos when it cums 2 tis migrating tinky im actuali kinda heartless "BU LIU REN HE QIN HAHA"

*Sumtimes a heartless soul mite actuali turn out 2b E happier 1 instead..*

~2 B CONTINUED AFTER I RETURN FROM BEIJING..WHO NOES..MAYB I MITE B STAYING THERE 4 GOOD AH..KEKEKE.. =p ~

~* 淡淡哀愁 *~

2005-09-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

Farmer's back.

Haven been online 4such a long long time..almost 1whole mth i guess..2tired aft work..n NUS dialup expired thus couldn't even get online..newspapers stacked up..1whole mth of classified..untouched..unread..din even send out any applications 4 a mth as well..Haiz..NO EFFORTS NO REAPS!! =(

wateva it is..my temp job ended yest..dat means i'l b kinda free again..haiz..

went out wif my wife 2day..was tellin her,"Aye..september now leh.." Haiz..kinda demoralized dat im stil unable 2get any perm job up til now..guess its partly cos i din apply 4many posts..haizZ..

ve learned abit from my temp job..saw E ugly sight of singaporeans as well..

guess Lays is wrong abt him liking me..my heart dropped again when i saw his msn pic..its E same gal..i donno why i juz felt so darn disappointed when i saw dat..i donno why..haiz..im sure i don ve dat kind of crush or liking 4him..i tink its cos he once showed me care n concern..but now such care n concern has been decreased greatly..n i associate/link such change 2 dat msn pic i saw..is dat meinu gal his gf..??i donno..

i only noe dat i detest guys more n more..
i only noe ive notink much 2say or chat abt wif guys..
I DON LIKE THEM..

*Rest @ home tml..v tired..mayb go compasspt check out jayjay's album..i kinda like him n his songs..v nice n touchy..he's so talented..=)*
Lookin 4ward 2 Beijing..notink fantastic abt Beijing i guess but i juz wan get out of spore.. Juz let me escape 4awile..from unhappy memories..from detestable fake hope givers..

Time 2 zzzZZ soon..NiteS..Yawnss..

~* SoO BusY 是最美好的...?? *~

2005-08-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

*YawNss...* I am so sleepy..feel like zzZZZ for juz 1whole week...but doubt i will eva ve such nice chance of getting 2 juz sleep for a week w/o havin 2 wori or tink abt or do anytink..HaizzZ..*LifE*

i love 2 read her blog..i donno why..keepin track keepin track..im juz curious..well im a typical Sagit okies..hmM.. is it cos of jealousy n posessiveness dat ve caused everytink?dat ve led 2such a conclusion betw them? *Wo Bu Zhi Dao Wor..* But mama is rather keen on knowing wor..

Anyways..im gona b reaaallll busy lately le..
Let's tok abt 2day..it's a Sunday okies..yet afternoon started tuition..ok..early evening started another tuition which lasted for 3hrs..gosh gdness..tml Mon,Tues, Wed..i gota tutor @nite after work again..!!n my part time..haha can b considered as perm ah since my workin hrs same as tos perm staff!! yah..OT everyday leh..Saturday oso OT..gdness....!!
But sumhow..i fil kinda happy wif E current temp part time..or rather satisfied?cos it's manual..i like 2 move abt haha..??cos of the great nice perm staff there..mayb cos its juz a small post office n there's only 3-4staff!!!not includin the boss..haha..they r reali v nice ppl..v nice..til no wonder i don mind stayin wif them do OT..haha..hmmM..

neva noe dat me, LL n her fren Deb share kinda the same dreams..yah..dwn 2 earth simple kind of life esp @ tos villages, valleys or mountains..told LL i would definitely pursue my dreams..definitely.. =D
*Jia You Jia You..*

act ve bin tinkin of it lately..i tink we ve drifted apart..n ive grown 2 not like her anymore..her frenliness n comfortable feeling dat she exudes 2 others in past..or rather 2me has sort of disappeared..yesh i owe her..but i don reali like her now..no..wat can i do..owe peeps sumtink yet don like them..haizzZ..n i couldn't even sense E genuine happiness in her when she opened E cheapskate gift i bot 4her..alas..Kaoozzz..

*Gota zzZZ..*tml gota wkup early n end late again..so sianz cum 2tink of it..haizzZ..Cos im a PiG....HaizzZZ...

*ThE route of BusY kips the feeling of loneliness @ baY..* Yawwwnss

~拥有爱情也许是美丽的，失去爱情却永远是最美好的回忆...~

2005-08-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

*MISS PIGGY PIG-OUT DAY!!*

i simply cant belive it men...how can i simply gobble dwn so much food in such a short time..??!!Juz a short 20mins or so..n i gobbled dwn 1bottle of blackcurrant n aloe vera juice, 1bottle(equivalent to 2big cups) of carrot n mixed fruit juice,1mooncake,8waffle biscuits,half bottle of mama's fried spring onions..oh no..oh noO..did tis PIG-OUT a few times b4 in past n totali regretted it u noe..then told myself HEY GaL u beta stop tis kind of PIG-OUT cos its simply harmful 4health loh..but 2day ive done it..Yet Again..haizz..whyy.. =(

n dats not all..tis is juz 4lunch alone..i ve had standard brkfast..ve had diner b4 i rushed out 4tuition..n guess wat..im actuali eating my supper now..but well well..its fruits so its okies..plus milk..arrh..wo FenG le Wo feng le..

ive been procrastinating way 2much..2much..oways FILL like n wana do tis do dat..in E end i kip on putting off wateva plans ive n not set out 2accomplish or plan them..in E end could only regret n cry in remorse when everytink din go on smoothly or wateva..in E end could only force out a "I shd ve done tis done dat,then @least E situation would ve been diff from now.."haiz..a big Haiz..Why din i set some goals..n set out 2achieve them..why din i even plan my life path..if i din procrastinate in past n even now..would my life events n path b diff so 2speak..HaizZ..sadz men..i donno wat E hell ive been doin in past few mths..n donno wat E hell i would b doin in future..i reali donwan juz bump ard juz like now again..n Why m i oways not prepared 4tuition..Haiz..

Hiaz...Haiz.. why ve i not gotten my NTUC pay yet..do i reali gota wait til 23rd/28th aug..??gdness gosh..how m i gona survive..

As usual..im stil so so much attracted 2 Westerners..AnG MoH kids..they R such cuties cuties!!saw alot of them recently b it on mrt or @ orchard or even my ComPassPoint..!!gdness gosh i simply love them!!I love AnG MoH kidsS... =D

~* 很想拥有一個新的開始... *~

2005-08-08T19:38:00.000+08:00

*Troubles will only be gradually resolved if one treats it with a positive and optimistic outlook. Emotional knots will only be untied if one is willing to open up the closed path to the door of heart. RainBow will only appear in the clear blue sky after a heavy downpour. Smiles will follow after cries, frustration, disappointment and anger. If only one is willing to face the tough sea of challenges with an open emotional perspective and optimism, and ultimate perseverance and determination. Learn from experiences. Life is just so unfairly short. So just move on and forward and not look back and ever regret.*

*Talk only, No actions. Dats useless. It's juz a verbal strength. Real power cums from the real act itself.*

Verbal tots from me here. I do hope i would b able 2 grasp the power from the real act itself..

Ive oways blamed the boy subconsciously. Ive oways tot dat he's so kinda immature. Oways gota let us all worry. Men, Guess im the one who shd b the immature 1..i haven been seeing the real smile on the boy's face 4 a long long wile oready..kinda miz it. i donno wat happened betw the 2 of them..i would like 2 noe..reali hope the boy would tell me all abt it. i'm fiLin sad 4 him. Reali hope n want 2 c him reali happy again..

Found out dat new tuition kid's parents ve separated from each other..No wonder i oways din c her dad..i admire her mum. She's strong. Bringing up tos 2 hyperactive, difficult n stubborn gals prove 2 b so exhausting n tough.

~* GeK SiM *~

2005-08-07T00:13:00.000+08:00

*GEK SIM !!*

~* 淡淡一個人是美丽的 *~

2005-07-31T01:59:00.000+08:00

There's tis irritatin superb big pimple on my cheek hehe..kinda pain..gosh..HummpH.. =(
Anyways..

I tink ive made a rite choice 2 b a loner..ive made a rite choice 2 b alone@most times.. it's nice 2 b alone n by urself.. no nuisance. no gossips. Independence can aid in my survival. Human beings r all so fatefully scary. They can b friendly wif ya @ E surface n get so 'cosy' wif u yet deep dwn behind ur back n w/o u even knowing it they can juz gossip abt u wif others behind ur back.

A new fren commented dat i shd b careful n cautious of others when i step out in2 E workin world. cos he tinks dat im kind n ppl wil exploit tis kindness keke. haha im kind..im kind..i tink im juz 2 dwn 2 earth. 2 honest. i doubt i can eva survive in E business world. I can only succeed in my dwn 2 earth close 2 mother nature farmland..He suggested i could consider tos jobs which nid me 2b posted ovaseas..yah ive once tot of dat 2..cos i don like spore. ive no nice memories here. even if ive...E unhappy eeeeEkss 1s wil stil camouflage any happy 1s.

I had nice nice sushi 2day. YummY!! hehe..oways dragging ppl 2ve sushi wif me..keke..=P

Had a rather bad encounter wif bro 2day. I hate it. I hate it when such tinky happens. i was juz mumbling n grumbling 2myself in his presence. i noe im wrong. i noe im @ fault. yah yah. wat kind of home environm m i residing in now when u exchange less than 10words wif ur DaD n bro. Sum ppl juz don kip their promise. made a promise dat u wil try spendin more time wif family. Did u? Did u even try?

* A Loner wil oways remain a Loner...?? A Loner can b lonely@times 2.. *

~* 那天永远是最美好的回忆...*~

2005-07-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

~* My ConVoCaTioN ' 2005 !! *~

~* 他 ... *~

2005-07-19T01:30:00.000+08:00

*Wah tired sleepy shag fainting arrghh ahhH..!!* (-.-)

went extract 2wisdom teeth yest!! Gdness..ok..whole Gum n tooth tinky started since Fri..gum swollen on fri n when i ate or swallowed saliva my throat pained..mayb cos of ulcer on gums..felt like vomiting on sat..guess i was oready sick..anyways..sunday mornin when i wkup in mornin 2get prepared to go 4tutoring..wile havin brkfast..i realised i could not even open my mouth..serious lah im not exaggerating..dats when i realised "HeY u gota go c a shuai dentist liao keke.." =P

okies so i finali went consult a dentist.. woo hooooO..
My dentist.. hehe.. i was surprised actuali..cos i doonno..okies he's very nice n gentle 2wards u..U NOE..sum may tink he's like a sissy..i mean given E way he speaks n his kind of manners..but tis kind of character/attitude appeals 2me..sumhow..i donno why haha..hmm..nvm..anyways i would b goin back nxt sun again 2 remove E stitches..hehe yeah yeah.. =D
YaH YaH ive had 2wisdom teeth extracted finali..shd b resting@home by rite accordin 2 mama n frens..i din though..i went work 2day..n tok whole day 2 customers..now 1am..feelin pain oready..ive had difficulty brushing teeth n eating haha..gota eats slowly n nibble haha..brush teeth..equivalent 2 not brushing@all..cos i simply cant open mouth big U NOE..oh yah..another tink..E doctor likes 2 say "U NOE..U NOE.."haha..

now i noe.. sum disabled etc..don like ppl 2 giv them $$..as in ok..dat day i went bras brasah alone..then there's tis mid age guy?who has difficulty in walkin..he asked me 2help him fetch 2chairs..so as 2put his toothbrushes on them..ok aft dat i left..yet i went back again..cos i wana buy E toothbrush from him..then he told me its $10..!!n its juz a simple toothbrush exactly similar 2 wat im currently usin..which is only juz $1.50 frankly speakin..its way above market rate u noe..i donno wat 2do @dat instant..cos if i juz walked off n not buy from him wat if i went shoppin aft dat n i bot sumtink 4myself..i would fil guilty..cos dat would mean dat im act more willin2spend on myself loh..i was in dilemma thus i called my fren..he said mayb i could juz giv him sum$$ instead if i donwana buy E toothbrush..so..i returned..n gave him $5..its not alot i noe..but @ least..i donno..anyways..he sort of "scolded"me fiercely..he said he din like ppl 2 giv him $$..i felt..i tink ive hurt his pride..i din mean it U NOE .. i din mean 2..

*Gota Go..tooth hurting..gosh..tml gota work..n ive picked up a new tuition assignment again!! A pri 3 GaL tis time round..heard from agent shes a rather problematic 1..no worries..i wil deal wif her haha..*

2 B UpdateD ah..Yawnss.. (-.-)..

~* 關於那天的雨天夏天 ...(尾巴) *~

2005-07-15T01:35:00.000+08:00

UpDaTeS upDateS...!! (*.*)

(-.-) sleepy..wan zzZz..

1 DaY after Convocation..it shd b a brand new start of life..yet sumhow..im stil not able 2 fil E "air of new lease of life".. Convocation=a mark of end of certain stage in life..where's my new lease of life..?????!!!

i kind of drag my feet 2 work everyday..cos its not a formal 1st perm job. cos of E pay which is dat of a part time job. cos its desk bound. cos its not wat ive liked. n E list goes on n on..haizz..a big sighs..in other words..im stil aimless in life..im stil dat lost..AS USUAL..arrghh..

was feelin so sianz yest mornin n aftern..donno why..then went online..a fren said she wana attend my convo..@ dat instant i was reali touched..reali. was even more touched when i reali saw them aft E ceremony..act felt paisehs cos they gota spend $$ on cab fare..my mood got beta actuali aft she told me she wana attend my convo..=D

i felt bad as well cos i tink my parents were kind of bored yest..they gota wait 4me 2 finish lingering ard wif frens n takin pics..i noe they were tired..

Disappointed as well..wif a person. understandable if he's not willin2attend cos i noe it's act a rather boring 1..i won't bother2force him 2go though..since he said hes busy wif CCA. wateva men. don wan tok 2much abt tis le. im juz disappointed. im not petty. its juz dat..ah..nvm.

was chatting on fone wif tis fren last nite. miracle. i act chit chatted on fone. anyways. i was askin him how he would define good frens. best frens. cos i told him ive no best frens. ive no gd frens. he said its hard2survive w/o frens. he oso told me dat @times he felt dat E connection betw him n frens was lost. supposedly perceived 2b good frens yet it only appears 2b so on surface. no common topics 2tok abt betw frens+no emotional connectivity+feeling distanced from each other+seldom mitup n contact each other=would u even consider E 2 of u 2b gd/best frens?

donno wat im babbling abt. im tired. brain not wkin again. nid zzz. 1.30am oreadi.. tml gota work. sianz. wateva it is. i feel happy alone juz as well. i don anytink wrong wif dat.

where's my passion in life?where's my life goal?wat exactly do i wan in life?where would i b goin nxt?
* It all remains an unsolved mystery. *

~* 又是一個慢慢的開始...*~

2005-07-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

*YawNNnzzZ...* (-.-)

Gona zzzZ soon or else reali reali cant tahan anymore..everyday go office doze off 1..tink i shd b goin doctor soon reali shd ve a thorough checkup soon le..tink ive lotsa ailments like dat..hmMm..

Anyways..tis perm staff said im soft spoken, gentle n nice nice kind.."The Good among the Good, The Bad among the Bad.." latter means i may face risks of gana lost out 2 tos cunning ppl in the workin world..yah i agree..im 2 dwn 2 earth n innocent keke..haiz..but wat 2do..im juz like dat..she said no worries i wil change 1 aft ive rotted long in tis workin world..yah..only time wil tell bah.. (*.*) ..

Reciproxity..ve i achieved dat? or M i stil so focused on myself dat i stil tend 2 tk ppl 4granted..?? well wateva it is i only noe dat "if u treat me well, no worries 1 cos i wil oso treat u nice nice back 1 loh..u treat me bad then ok dats it i won't eva treat u nice in return." As simple as dat! My self well so called principle. HaHa. Craps men.

ZZZzzzZ..

~* 星星 *~

2005-07-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

whole body aching..tml 9am tuition again..2day juz had tuition 2..donno why i pack my life wif so many tinks..v tired leh..fever on n off..on n off..sianz..gona zzz soon v tired..haiz.. (-.-)

strolled 2 compasspoint aft diner 2buy bread bread nice nice fav bread..strolled home..but there's no stars 2nite..realised i actuali kinda njoy NITE out..NITE strollin..the smell @ NITE..NITE breeze..

NiTes NiTes..(*.*)

~* 雨天的尾巴...*~

2005-07-02T00:51:00.000+08:00

I can consider myself as okies now..cos im occupied wif sum stuff now so i seldom ve chances 2 let my mind wander oready..i guess when 1 has a direction in life n noes wat he or she wans then a sort of guide is @least present in life..i kind of noe E priorities in my life now n im tryin 2 work slowly 2wards dat.. *YEaH YeaH* Fever's here again..i like 2 b sick..i donno why..its a terrible feelin but i sumhow enjoy it haha..* Weird weird me!* Gota zzzzzzZZ oready.. (-.-)

~* 美好的回忆 *~

2005-07-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

*Mei Nu Mei Nu* wor keke..not me lah haha im tokin abt my JiE wor keke..She's nice nice 1..single Gooood GoooooD guys out there (Very very the rare ah haha) whos interested in her hoh gota go tru me hoh n my assessment keke..

Haven seen jie for so long oready..finally got 2 mit her yest..had OUR Thai kitchen once again yummy yum yum haha our dates oways there 1 hehe.. *我們之間的愛情合約...*

~* 孤單 . 隔離 . 失去 . 淡 . *~

2005-06-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

She din mean 2. She doesn't mean 2 b like dat. Yet, she reali can't help it.

She's paranoid. She is. She's sensitive. Extremely. Cos simply put it: She's juz a insecure gaL. She's scared.
Haiz well any any ways..(*.*).. she's tired n sick of it all. All the superficiality. Yet she tends 2question herself again..Is she juz being 2sensitive n paranoid? But if there's no signs in 1st place, she won't even ve such feelins. Oh well well haiz. She juz wan 2start on a new lease of life. She juz wan a job be it temp or perm. So she's able 2juz escape from all tis irritating clutches of all. She juz wan a wall of support. A diff kind of wall of support. A diff species. Diff from all tos she has known. Or shd u say she's juz not committed @ all? She juz wans 2change walls from time 2 time. She juz wans varieties. Oh well well wateva..

She saw a bride n groom 2day.. As usual she admires them..She admires E sight of it all..How she wishes dat she's E bride..Yet..She's still wondering whether she's a straight 1..or rather whether she can find her desirable weird 1..mayb she wil neva find such a self desirable exotic 1..sumtimes she wonders if there's sum1 as similar as her out there..No wonder she likes 2watch "Turn Left, Turn Rite". No wonder she likes 2 dream n imagine..

She fils numb. Her parents aren't attendin her convocation. She understands. It's gona b a real bored late1 for her parents. So it's beta in a way 4them not 2attend @ all. Such a pathetic 1. Yet she's kind of used 2such tinks. She's grown used 2it perhaps til she's numb oready. Til E stage of feelin immune 2everytink.

*1 DaY if she has E means. She's not gona stay on here. She's gona migrate 2far far away. Sumwhere where she's able 2reali start afresh n anew. Where no1 noes her. Her WisH. *

~* 兩人淡淡的邂逅... *~

2005-06-21T19:09:00.000+08:00

SundaY 19th JunE 2005..

Went Bugis Si Ma Lu pray again..lotsa ppl..
Then walked ard again..ve been walkin ard 4far 2long..i mean im jobless notink much2do so most of times i juz walk ard spore which is rather..a waste of time..i like walkin..but tis kind of walkin cant carry on 4eva haha..anyways there was tis China lady who asked me 4directions 2 MRT station..i offered 2pei her go since i was goin home as well n would b passin by MRT anyway..Guess i appeared2b 2helpful le cos along way i oso kip askin her lotsa questions n chattin wif her..She gradually started 2slow dwn her walking strides n followed behind me instead of previous side-by-side walking..i could sense dat she suddenly juz started 2stand guard against me..like i would abduct her like dat loh..hmm..tot shd b E other way round loh..it shd b me who shd b scared of her cheatin me loh..anyways i din send her all E way 2MRT..i juz pointed out way2go..then we parted..*Zheng Shi Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao*like dat ah..(*-*)..

MonDaY 20th JunE 2005

Went Orchard Lib n Kino again..returned books which ive neva even read@all..dats juz me oways so weird 1..i like 2 borrow lotsa books..n E books nid2ve nicenice attractive cover..n nid b new as well..plot is impt 2..anyways i oways borow w/o readin..i juz njoy E whole process of goin 2Lib, searchin 4nicenice books..im NUTS..haha..well dats a known fact..anyways..

Proceeded 2 Kino aft dat..
Was skimmin tru a book on Buddhist teachings n life philosophy..Juz then..heard sum1 commenting 2his fren,"Wo De Tou Nao Quan Bu Dou Shi Da Bian.." haha..i looked up n both of them revealed expressions of embarrassment cos they tot dat i looked up cos ive heard wat they said..NoooO..ok my point is..i looked up eyes big big glanced@ "Da Bian's fren" then head down THEN MY HEAD TILTED UP AGAIN..eyes bigbig Stared @ "Mr DaBian"!!cos cos..i act. bumped in2 him again!!He's a guy from NUS n i guess he majors in Sociology as well cos ive had 1tutorial as him when i was in Yr2..but we ve neva chatted..i din reali pay attention2him though..then tis last sem..i saw him in my Childhood lects..he's oways sittin alone rite@E back..he's oways hard@wk jotting dwn wateva stuff E lecturer said..there was once i saw him sitting on floor rite@back..cos all back seats taken up BUT lotsa vacant seats infront..He striked me as kind of a different species of guy.."He seems like a loner n is kind of weird..same as me.."

Not sayin dat tis guy has caught my attention..but E point is ive act. bumped in2 him as well previously afew times on MRT..when i was on way 2 Town as well..i tink he sort of noe dat im from NUS as well..tink he noes lah cos he has seen me b4 in lect haha but mayb he din even ve any impression of me..

ok back 2 Kino..he was juz standin opp me..our eyes met 4a short instant..i hopped on 2 another section shortly after..b4 i knew it he was standin beside me 2!!Then his fren came n they left..hmm..

On way home..i was wonderin wat would happen act. if i act. said Hi 2him n commented stuff like "Hey u from Nus as well rite.." Mayb i would then ve a chance 2noe him oready..Haiz..i let an easy opportunity slip past my hands again..Not dat ive a crush on him or wat..But..i donno..So many times of coincidences..DOes dat speak of sumtink..does dat even signify anytink..Is it Fate dat allows such coincidences 2happen..if dats E case shd i even take any action in response..(-.-)..

*Donno when i would bump in2 him again..if i reali bump in2him again..dats reali 2much of a coincidence..Spore is small yesh but 2bump in2sum1 u donno@all so many times in ya life means E 2 of you surely ve sum relations in your previous karma..
But oh well he may b attached..*

~* 慢慢的未知... *~

2005-06-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

It's kinda hard 2find a job u like. 2 find a job in which i can b enclosed n immensed in my own world n space of creativity n tinkin..not dat i don like2socialize n interact..i do like interacting wif ppl..cos deres endless unpredictabilities n explorations arising from E interactional processes..gettin in contact wif ppl heightens my mood n spirit..mayb cos i fil engaged..mayb cos tru E interactions im sort of able 2 fil E 'crowd' ard me..i don fil detached..since im a self proclaimed n well known loner..Yet i like 2b alone 2..being alone is being close 2nature..my own definition..crappin again..

Went 4 1st round of Police Selection assessment yest..haha whole day of assessm of weight/height vision body coordinating abilities!gdness..dats not juz all loh..a total of 5rounds!stretch til mid sept..GOOD GOOD NESS..!!n u may face E possibility of droppin out @any of E rounds..haiz..Lays was sayin we gota hunt 4other jobs le..I ABSOLUTELY AGREE LOH..n yah E body/skin check..haha we act gota undress!n tis XinFu female officer would then C C check 4any skin diseases or wat lah..hoho da zuan dao men..n yah..sweaty palms is oso considered a physical illness..haiz..so paisehs now got ppl noe dat ive sweaty palms le.. (-.-)

i reali donno wat ive been up2..Guess its time 4me 2reali reflect..on myself..once stated in deleted blog entry dat "As long as i don stay committed 2any relationship (frenship sense) i would b happier.." i tink ive reali becum a 2independent 2detached loner til extent dat ive cum2realise dat ive focused 2much on E self..self n self..14th June..tis date has appeared in my mind b4 14th..i found it familiar..yet ive no idea why its familiar..i sms Her 2days later aft 14th then realise 14th was her birthday..cos she said ive 4gotten her bdae..i felt kinda guilty n remorseful..i can act 4get such dates..ur frens' bdae..sum1 whom uve known 4 so long 8yrs..i donno why..in past i would ve kept track of such special dates..yet..now..i din even bother 2pay attention 2such impt details..i donno why..is it cos my brain is 2fully occupied wif gettin settled dwn wif a job..speakin of june..tink Dad's bdae coming on 27th..

i start2ponder again again..im doubtin my suitability n capability of takin up E role of a FREN..of a DAUGHTER..Jie seems 2ve gone tru alot n yet im not aware of dat..i cant seem2do anytink 4her when she's dwn..

* Wat has happened 2me exactly..esp tis past few recent yrs..subconcious mind tells me ive changed..changed 2a person whom ppl cant seem2relate 2 n understand anym..cos im no longer E old usual me..i donno why..i kip wantin self attention..attention from others yet ve i eva paid any attention 2 tis others..m i 2self focused..*

Admired E sight of a mum holdin hands wif her daughter. Chanced upon 1 yest n then struck by a ponderance on dat..it'l b so gd if ive a child..it doesn't matter if ive a husband or not..A child can kip u company..a child can tk my loneliness away..a child can mk me fil attached again..

*No MedicinE can eva Save me now..im 2attached 2 MY WORLD..* Sum1 pls save me..

~又是一個新的開始...~

2005-06-14T18:30:00.000+08:00

im back 2my bloggin again.. (*-*)

Why..?? I donno..everyday i juz will ve lotsa tots.. tots gained aft a day's trip outside..aft watching TV..etc..ive even bot a small small so called journal..tos kind of scrap book..in future when im out gaigai..wil b bringin it along..n its oways on bus whereby i'l wan pen dwn sum tots n reflections..it'l then serve a purpose..=D

A fren asked why i act deleted all my previous blog entries..n din even tell any1 ive deleted all my entries..accordin 2another fren of mine..im a kinda impulsive gaL..i do tinks on impulse i act on impulse..yesh..i agree..i was kinda down n depressed durin dat phase..i felt lost.i felt redundant. In a fit of despair?i decided 2juz delete every entry which seems juz so depressing as well..i told my fren:"If im eva gona start blogging again..my entries wil all b happy ones.." =)

Shall stop here le 4time being. Been online doin nonsensical stuff 4way 2long!supposed 2send out other applications 2day but men..hooked online. gosH!

*Anyways..Lays once said dat "E guy 1 will ultimately marry in Life won't b E 1 whom she has liked/loved E most.." * A tot provokin 1 2me @least..